‘Beware the Jabberwock…’

By Joshua Thiering In a watershed moment for modern anthropology, a group of men from Georgia claimed they had found Bigfoot. However, when placed under the intense eye of scrutiny, the dead body of the monster was found to be — a rubber gorilla costume. The Bigfoot hoax of 2008 means only one thing. The monster is still at large and could be on campus. No official sightings of Bigfoot have yet to be recorded at UMHB according to the Director of Campus Police, Gary Sargent. However, many students suspect paranormal occurrences on campus are not infrequent. “I think I saw the Chupacabra in the Sesquicentennial Plaza in mid scurry,” sophomore Micah Lynch said. For those of you who aren’t “in the know,” the Chupacabra is a monster from Puerto Rican lore best known for attacking and sucking the blood of goats. Lynch agreed that the sighting has left him with a growing concern for the safety of unaccompanied girls walking through the plaza at night. Lynch did not mention, however, that if the girls were accompanied by goats, it would actually increase their chance of being attacked by the Chupacabra. *NOTE: Girls should not take goats for walks late at night through the Sesquicentennial Plaza. * Side Note: Wouldn’t “Raising Chupacabra awareness for the goat owners near the Sesquicentennial Plaza” be a great platform for the Miss Mary Hardin-Baylor Pageant? Pageant entries may never get the chance if Lynch gets his way. “I would like to set a trap to catch the Chupacabra. Maybe we can have a march, form a mob and get pitch forks,” he said. However, pitch forks are not available in bulk at Wal-Mart. There is no word yet if Lynch plans to take this issue before the Student Government Association. In other news of the paranormal, senior Brandon Blackshear saw a falling star the other day, but thought it “might not have been a falling star.” Junior Lindsay Hunt claims she has seen more falling stars than usual lately. Could an alien invasion be underway? Not likely. Hunt also claimed that she was the “tooth fairy.” Hunt has yet to take a DNA test. There was not much evidence to support the claim of a possible alien invasion except for a faculty member who commented off the record that some of the freshmen “look like aliens.” There are many theories circulating on campus; however, no hard evidence has been found to support any of the claims. Until more develops, keep an eye out for Bigfoot, and keep goats out of the Sesquicentennial Plaza. It’s better to be safe than...

Read More
Wield the force like never before
Sep30

Wield the force like never before

“A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… “The galaxy is on the brink of total darkness. The evil Galactic empire has overthrown the Old Republic and now holds countless worlds in the grip of fear. “The Jedi Knights have been all but destroyed. Only a handful have escaped Imperial forces, disappearing into hiding across the galaxy. “The Emperor’s spies have located a lone Jedi Knight on the Wookiee homeworld of Kashyyyk. The Sith lord, Darth Vader, has been sent to destroy him.” The Game In Review: A boy was kidnapped by Darth Vader on the planet Kashyyyk during the extermination of his father, the lone Jedi Knight. Darth Vader accepted the boy as his own personal apprentice and vowed to teach him the power of the dark side. The boy had a destiny. His name: Starkiller. Star Wars: The Force Unleashed is an action-packed game that allows gamers to use the force like never before. The sound, graphics and characters all tie into the Star Wars universe with ease. The story takes place between Episode III and IV as Vader is completing Order 66, the command to kill every Jedi. As Vader’s apprentice, Starkiller’s duty is to carry out his master’s orders, and doing so in the game makes Star Wars fans as giddy as a kid on Christmas morning. The presentation of the game is clear and makes use of brilliant lighting and great graphic elements. The sound: brilliant. Star Wars fans can reminisce over the many different theme songs they hear in the movies, along with several new compositions. Each planet that is visited has unique characteristics and parallels to what viewers see in the six Star Wars movies. Felucia is crawling with life and everything that is touched moves vivaciously. Kashyyyk is all fans could expect from the Wookiee  planet. Overall, the game does a great job in each area, excluding replay value. The 12-14 hour game is fun for about two run-throughs, but once  every upgrade and all of the different lightsaber power and color crystals are won, it becomes a little dull. The sheer amazement that one experiences when wielding the force like an excited infant is the best feature this game has to offer. Whether it is force lightning, force push, throwing the lightsaber or using a combination of each, this game has much to offer to Star Wars and video game fans...

Read More

Burn after Reading fire extinguished

“What did we learn, Palmer?” barks the supervising government intelligence officer. “I have no idea sir,” replies the lower ranking officer. This is a small taste of the conclusion of Joel and Ethan Coen’s newest film, Burn After Reading. It finishes with two somewhat educated and respected men who are left sitting in bewilderment, urging one another not to repeat whatever it is they just did. The Coen brothers, who are famous for displaying the dark side of humor through their writing and directing style in such films as O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000), The Big Lebowski (1998) and Fargo (1996), continue that pattern in the new release. Having just come off the success of the award winning movie, No Country for Old Men (2007), the Coen brothers decided to combine success in  their action/thriller film with their old standard, comedy. The result of this merger left movie goers less than satisfied and many film critics scratching their heads. It features a star studded cast, with leading names like George Clooney,  Brad Pitt and John Malkovich. It opens with a scene from the  CIA headquarters in Washington, D.C.  In the scene, seasoned CIA analyst Osborne Cox (Malkovich) is terminated from his job at the agency. His superiors list his alcohol abuse as the reason for his firing and stated it as a security risk. Cox’s reaction to the news sets the tone for the rest of the film. He begins with a string of obscenities and insults, all the while denying any responsibility for his current situation in a self-absorbed fit of rage. Each character is found to be an ignorant, selfish individual looking out only for himself. Each new one has his own role to play in this unfortunate series of events. Murder, infidelity, theft, fraud and deception all run rampant throughout the movie. Not one character in the film is motivated beyond anything but pure, selfish ambition. The film received an R rating for pervasive language, some sexual content and violence. Though this rating will be enough to ward off many students wishing to watch the movie, for those still planning on seeing the film — beware. While the rating system is often slightly off target, this one is right on. Burn After Reading boasts more than 60 obscenities as well as 30-plus instances of profanity in its 96- minute run time. Also, characters frequently change sex partners as if it were a handshake to be given to anyone they meet. Some will find the film enjoyable and ironic in a dark sort of way and will get pleasure in watching the pure, uninhibited stupidity of...

Read More
Page 39 of 39« First...102030...3536373839