Cru Culture: Winter wardrobe problems

Just a light jacket should be sufficient for Texas winter, right? Wrong. You are the weakest link. While the wishy-washy weather isn’t just a Crusader problem, appropriate attire for unpredictable days seems to be a prevalent issue on campus. You’ve all seen that girl wearing Nike shorts, gritting her teeth as another cold gust of wind threatens to knock her over. The better-bundled people glance knowingly at her, but never offer a coat or scarf. It’s not that far to class from Burt Hall anyway, right? Then there’s the guy dressed for an arctic blizzard wearing all camouflage, a face guard and heavy boots. When he clunks noisily into the classroom and releases a long breath of relief, you question if you somehow ended up in the wrong class. In Alaska. The opposite problem is when some guy struts in wearing a bro tank. Even if it’s 70 degrees outside, just the sight of those pale arms in the winter makes this whole scenario terrifying. The sleeveless shirt guy just can’t wait to show off the new guns he’s been working on as a New Year’s resolution. Not the bro tank—please, not the bro tank. At least not yet. The layered woman probably causes you a good deal of confusion as well. This student combines random articles of clothing from every season, time period and pattern to create a warm yet quite unfortunate attempt at braving Texas winter. It’s great to encourage thrift shopping, but unless Goodwill is paying you to be their own walking advertisement, matching is recommended. Then there’s the cold weather dirty little secret. To all those who wear pajama bottoms underneath jeans—sorry, but we can see the Spongebob Squarepants pattern peeking out the bottom hem of your pants. Supposing no one notices your denim fitting tighter and a little more awkward than normal, Nickelodeon nighttime attire always draws attention. If you couldn’t care less about fashion, the flannel jammies plus real pants combo sounds like a good solution, though. When you get out of class, just unzip the top layer and you’re ready for nap time. Comfortable and practical. Like Crocs… oh wait. Dressing accordingly can be exhausting, especially on one of those “I just got three hours of sleep, my socks don’t match and I think there’s a room check today,” days. But you don’t have to look like a model for J. Crew. Just avoid these sad Crusader scenarios, and you’ll be good to...

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Cru Culture: Resolutions

I solemnly swear to stop drinking soda. Except for once a week. Or on special occasions. Or weekends. Have you ever heard a half-hearted New Year’s resolution like this one? To start of 2014, people all over the world have committed to better themselves in some way. In honor of fresh starts, I’ve given my life to Shaun T. Just that name causes feelings of dread and sudden muscle soreness. Shaun instills fear in unfortunate victims through his intense workout videos like Insanity and T-25. Happy New Year to me. Say a quick prayer for those still working on January promises like painful adventures of squats and pushups. But fear not regular gym-goers, Mayborn won’t be packed much longer. It’s almost Valentine’s Day, and chocolate truly trumps any hopes of reformation. Diet? Have you seen the giant Reese’s peanut butter cups shaped as hearts? Let’s be real. Whether it’s losing weight or watching less TV, for a lot of people, resolutions will become like 6:30 a.m. alarms. “I really don’t have to get up until 6:45,” you will convince yourself. Then 15 minutes later you’ll probably say “I can still get ready in time if I get up at 7:15.” Soon, it’s 7:45, class is at 8a.m. and getting ready becomes a dream of the past. You grab a Dr Pepper for breakfast and head out the door, forgetting any motivation you previously had. Many students will vow to start keeping a planner or start homework the day it’s due. But it’s crazy how as soon as you sit down at your computer, tabs will magically open and somehow your fingers type in your Twitter login. Soon, you get lost in the scrolling and the tabs multiply. Hello Facebook, dear friend. Long time no see. YouTube, you want in on this action? Resolutions are hard to keep, but are far more rewarding than finishing an entire Netflix series in one week. Stop procrastinating, people!...

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Cru Culture
Nov20

Cru Culture

People say if he puts down his Xbox controller to text you back, it’s love. But at UMHB, don’t be so sure. When he pauses Call of Duty or puts down his book on statistics to pick up your phone call, you probably shouldn’t call a wedding planner. While it could be a simple matter, it’s just not. If only there was an EASY button for real life. With sound effects. That would be amazing. Instead, Crusaders have a difficult time navigating the signs and obstacles of relationships. He likes her. She likes him. In a normal world, this would mean they start dating or pursuing each other in some way. But on this campus, the “couple” mutually hangs out and talks constantly, yet never classifies the relationship. Do relationships scare Crusaders? What about the ring by spring? It starts with a “d” and rhymes with hate. The unmentionable word usually gets replaced with “hanging out,” because that sounds like less of a commitment. UMHB probs. So many students spend months together, not defining the relationship or even questioning it. Are those two going out? Who knows? They could just be best friends…. Right. Does Thor’s hair look luscious? Of course it does— he should be in a shampoo commercial. Knowing whether or not a couple is dating should be that simple, too. It’s not rocket science, folks. UMHB doesn’t have that major anyway. Don’t be fooled by your significant other’s Crusader “dating lingo,” either. Some phrases might need some translation. “Let’s go for a walk around the quad tonight,” usually means he likes you. Friends don’t walk with friends on the same sidewalks over and over again at midnight. “I heard you can drown in Burt Pond. We should go check it out.” As lame as this statement is, it also means he likes you. Burt Pond itself screams “Ring by Spring,” and should be avoided at all costs unless you want to get hitched. “You should come to Own the Night,” always means he wants to dance with you. While friends can, indeed, dance with each other, if he invites you and takes your hand on the concrete dance floor, consider that a step closer to the unspoken word. The only foolproof plan for decoding confusing relationships, though, is to ask. Ask him or her what exactly is going on because that’s the only way to stop this mutually confused Crusader epidemic. After all, you can always go to Hardy and soothe your disappointment with a pizza cookie or two. Or...

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Cru Culture
Nov05

Cru Culture

What do you get when you combine Chacos and Toms? Tacos. And the best part about tacos is you don’t have to worry about whether or not you have to wear socks with them. With so many different trendy shoe options, how do students decide which ones to sport? Many Crusaders combine their favorite outfits with a pair of Chacos, a Z-strap sandal originally made for whitewater rafting guides because of their durability and waterproof material. Instead of being used for their original purpose, though, people all over the world wear Chacos for all outdoor activities. That’s fine, as long as the strappy shoes never walk indoors. Just as certain breeds of dogs should be kept inside, some recreational wear doesn’t belong in suburban life. Chacos are not the Chihuahuas of the shoe world. Keep those puppies outside, folks. People who choose to wear the outdoorsy sandals call themselves Chaconians, which pretty much speaks for itself. It’s like a professional athlete giving himself his own nickname—kind of lame. Sorry, Ochocinco, but Kobe and Lebron didn’t need to name themselves, and neither should Chaco-wearers. I stumbled upon a blog by a woman from Arkansas. It is dedicated completely to bedazzled Chacos. Let’s just add some toe socks to the unfortunate equation and throw a tacky party, shall we? Another popular pick, Toms, can be a dangerous fashion faux pas as well. Though the company that manufactures the comfy shoes seeks to help the non-profit subsidiary, Friends of Toms, not all the ways Crusaders wear the sneakers are fashion friendly. Socks or no socks? Here lies the problem. Socks ruin the look completely, but no socks ruin any hopes of keeping your footwear fresh. Bare feet inside your Toms creates a situation that everyone around you will resent. It stinks. Literally. So go with some cutoff socks, but please, for the sake of everyone at the university, do not wear long socks. That’s almost as bad as bedazzled sandals, and that’s enough to scare the socks right off of ya. God bless your...

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Cru Culture
Oct22

Cru Culture

A longboarder rolls past a casual pedestrian texting his mom the good news about the A on his test. He doesn’t notice the young woman on a bike across the quad, but she continues to gain speed as she heads toward the man making his way to class. All of a sudden, the “I’m texting and walking so I don’t look awkward” guy fails to walk in a straight line, and teeters to the left side of the sidewalk just as the biker swooshes next to him. Bam! Collision. Because the English drive on the left side of the road, many people falsely believe  they walk on that side as well. While their natural tendency may be to veer left, the majority of Europeans walk exactly the way we do. Sidewalk laws may be unspoken, but they are universal. Whether you’re in London, Cambodia, Hong Kong or Belton, Texas, pedestrians stick to the right side of the sidewalk. Just because there aren’t any yellow signs that warn you when one lane ends or when you need to merge, on a pedestrian college campus, these things should just be understood. In Texas, pedestrians have the right of way. While that applies on the freeway, it doesn’t apply on the pavement. Bikers, longboarders and walkers all deserve the same respect, right? Stay on your side of the sidewalk and avoid a lot of awkwardness. There is no need for those highly embarrassing bike crashes. You’ve all seen the longboarder who doesn’t know what he is doing, right? He wobbles back and forth as he tries to glide to his next class. He is like a rolling game of Jenga. One touch and that tower is coming down. These beginner longboarders probably can’t maintain their balance and think of the Cru sidewalk laws at the same time, so be wary of them. Everyone else, know this: Texting and walking might cause bruises. Walk on the right side of the road, and be sympathetic to those baby  bikers and lousy longboarders. Follow the traffic laws, people, and no one gets...

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