People say if he puts down his Xbox controller to text you back, it’s love. But at UMHB, don’t be so sure. When he pauses Call of Duty or puts down his book on statistics to pick up your phone call, you probably shouldn’t call a wedding planner.
While it could be a simple matter, it’s just not. If only there was an EASY button for real life. With sound effects. That would be amazing.
Instead, Crusaders have a difficult time navigating the signs and obstacles of relationships.
He likes her. She likes him. In a normal world, this would mean they start dating or pursuing each other in some way. But on this campus, the “couple” mutually hangs out and talks constantly, yet never classifies the relationship. Do relationships scare Crusaders? What about the ring by spring?
It starts with a “d” and rhymes with hate. The unmentionable word usually gets replaced with “hanging out,” because that sounds like less of a commitment. UMHB probs.
So many students spend months together, not defining the relationship or even questioning it. Are those two going out? Who knows? They could just be best friends…. Right.
Does Thor’s hair look luscious? Of course it does— he should be in a shampoo commercial. Knowing whether or not a couple is dating should be that simple, too. It’s not rocket science, folks. UMHB doesn’t have that major anyway.
Don’t be fooled by your significant other’s Crusader “dating lingo,” either. Some phrases might need some translation.
“Let’s go for a walk around the quad tonight,” usually means he likes you. Friends don’t walk with friends on the same sidewalks over and over again at midnight.
“I heard you can drown in Burt Pond. We should go check it out.” As lame as this statement is, it also means he likes you. Burt Pond itself screams “Ring by Spring,” and should be avoided at all costs unless you want to get hitched.
“You should come to Own the Night,” always means he wants to dance with you. While friends can, indeed, dance with each other, if he invites you and takes your hand on the concrete dance floor, consider that a step closer to the unspoken word.
The only foolproof plan for decoding confusing relationships, though, is to ask. Ask him or her what exactly is going on because that’s the only way to stop this mutually confused Crusader epidemic.
After all, you can always go to Hardy and soothe your disappointment with a pizza cookie or two. Or five.