Single on Valentine’s
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Roses are red, violets are blue. You hate Valentine’s day? I do too.
Lock your doors and close your windows because a storm of lovey dovey Facebook posts and tweets will soon barrage social media.
Frankly, few people actually care how much you “heart” your boo, or your shawty or whatever culturally acceptable term of endearment you use for the love of your life.
The fourteenth of February, or as I like to call it, Singles’ Awareness Day, brings doom and gloom to a good percentage of the loveless population.
This horrific holiday is the only time it’s socially acceptable for single ladies across the globe to shovel embarrassing amounts of chocolate ice cream into their mouths while watching an overemotional Channing Tatum film. This fact alone almost makes the day bearable.
In the past, we offered Valentine’s advice for couples. But for those of you who can’t seem to get shot by Cupid, this one is for you. Here are just a few suggestions to cure your loneliness, at least temporarily.
First option: ignorance is bliss. If you want to avoid the occasion altogether, just pretend it isn’t happening.
Those are not roses on your coworker’s desk. Those are not balloons in your roommate’s room. The chocolate everywhere? That’s for you, just for being awesome.
In fact, all of the festivities make up a terrible dream that will soon vanish. Ignore the happiness, and it will not overtake you. I promise.
For those who can’t carry on this fantastic facade, embrace your singleness. As a second solution, you can find some other sad souls.
Misery loves company, and I guarantee you will feel better by the end of the night. If Cupid hasn’t struck yet, maybe he can’t see your target. Work your single swag.
Option three: fake it until you make it. If love can’t seem to find you, find it. Friend dates on Valentine’s Day can be fun for both people. Even if there is no romantic chemistry, find a buddy and make the best of the day.
With a friend sitting across from you, the holiday will pass with almost no pressure and far fewer tears. And the two of you can discuss your failed relationships. You obviously have that in common.
So instead of dwelling on the fact that you still don’t have a ring on your finger, let that be a conversation-starter.
If all of these things fail, do not lose hope.
When you’re sitting on your couch, rocking back and forth and thinking happy thoughts, remember one thing. There’s always the dating site farmersonly.com. Yeehaw!