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Over the holidays, it’s easy to get behind on current events. Spending time with family, going out of town on vacation and catching up with old friends all take importance over staying glued to CNN’s breaking news coverage.
But have no fear. I have compiled an unbiased and objective re-cap of events all people should have handy in their brains in case of an awkward back-to-school conversation about current events, as well as the tools you need to make this semester a smashing success.
The economy boarded the train to Hades, but everyone has known that for awhile. However, it’s just been recently that the “nonpartisan” National Bureau of Economic Research and other Dow Jones monitors have publicly admitted that America bought the one-way ticket in December 2007. Don’t worry. Economists say it will be back to pick up any forgotten passengers in 2010.
The job market, well…it’s not looking so good. To say the least, there have been better times to graduate and find a career. But look at the bright side. Thirty years from now, when your grandchildren are sitting on your knees, you can tell them how you overcame the odds and got a job during the great recession of 2009.
If all else fails, Whataburger is hiring managers for the night shift. In this recession, as religious leaders will say, pride cometh before a fall, or in this case, America’s fall before its people’s pride.
To those in a serious relationship fulfilling the over-clichéd joke of “ring by spring” that trails through every corner of the Quad and then some, your expectations for a fabulous wedding have been set.
A couple in Normal, Ill, exchanged vows over hot sauce packets in Taco Bell. After nine months of cyber dating, Caragh Brooks and Paul Brooks are now Mr. and Mrs. Paul and Caragh Brooks after a $200 wedding that made national news. No, they were not immediate relatives, and, yes the sauce packets displayed, “Will you marry me?”
So, my fine Crusader gentlemen, don’t waste college loan money on a fancy ceremony. Grab your lady and head to the nearest fast food joint. If she really cares for you, she’ll understand.
In other news, yet another political scandal rings in the New Year as Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is on the road to impeachment for abuse of power and engaging in “a plot to obtain a personal benefit in exchange for his appointment to fill the vacant seat in the U.S. Senate.”
There’s nothing like political distrust in the governing body supposedly protecting our rights. That Illinois seat was previously held by President Barack Obama, which brings up the inauguration of the 44th leader of our nation, also known as the most powerful man in the world.
There must have been a lot of glory in spending $150 million on the Jan. 20 events. According to CNN it was the most costly inauguration in U.S. history. Obama cruised through a parade in his honor waving from a 2009 Cadillac presidential limousine capable of withstanding a rocket-propelled grenade and nicknamed by maker GM as “the Beast.”
But those price tags are nothing compared to the monstrous $825 billion stiumulus package it is going to take for the president to fix the nation’s overwhelming number of problems.
But here’s the tricky thing. Many people forget the president alone can not be the solution; He has a House and a Senate too, something most citizens forgot during Bush’s latest term.
So, Crusaders, as we head into a new semester under new authority, facing obvious trials and celebrating various victorious, remember you are the most important person on the planet.
To make this year a success, don’t hinder yourself by taking the time to stay knowledgeable in local and national news as you might or might not have done over the break. Having your own opinion means nothing, and wisdom leads to a dead end. Just read my column, and I’ll tell you what to think.
This was Around the World in 60 Seconds with a bonus horoscope. Hopefully you will join me in the future for more observations on world events with who knows what else.